Jeeves And Wooster, the ongoing love story

We all knew it was true, have a sneaky peak at Jeeves and Woosters on going turbulant romance...

Monday, January 23, 2006

It would appear Sir, that I have been tigged by your tag!

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1) Page Boy
2) Groom
3) Butler (Gentleman's Gentleman)
4) Master Spy

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1) I am rather partial to Laurel & Hardy's "From Soup to Nuts"
2) Harold Lloyd is a wonder!
3) That Alfred Hitchcok has a promising career and has made some splendid motion pictures. The Lodger is rather fine.
4) King Kong. I love big hairy things!

Four Places You've Lived
1) Many many pstairs attic rooms at various staely homes.
2) Mr Wooster's apartment
3) The Lady Rachel's lovely home (our marital one)
4) Inside a locked iron casket for four months. It was a test of endurance. I didn't endure. They had to let me out after 4 minutes becasue somebody kept sticking something in through the air hole in the side, so that it cut off the oxygen supply.

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1) Television hmmm. Not caught many programmes as the picture qulaity is so bad. One only hopes that in the future the don't make them the size of outhouses with a screen the size of beer-met. But... I have seen the following... Butler: How to Handle the Nobs.
2) Nobs and their Peers
3) Super Spies and Private Dicks
4) Big Ben Does it Again. Some sort of music hall affair.

Four Places You've Been On Holiday/Vacation
1) As a young lad I nearly went down on the Titanic but luckily I disembarked at Capetown, Ireland.
2) Brest, France
3) Big Beaver, Pennsylvania, United States
4) Camping holidays as a child in Brown Willy, Cornwall, United Kingdom

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1) Suckling pig
2) Iced Fingers
3) Fairy Cakes
4) Those ginormous sausages you get at Fish & Chip Emporiums

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1) Right now? Instead of answering this ridiculous questionairre? Lets see... Plumping Lady Rachels pillows.
2) Starching Mr Wooster's collars.
3) Locked in an iron casket or...
4) Going down on the Titanic.

Jeeves

Aparantly, Jeeves, I've been tagged

Four Jobs You've Had In Your Life
1) I once posed as a deck hand on a cruise ship, jolly good fun
2) Hand
3) That's it, I can quite happily survive without partaking in work
4)

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over
1) The Kid - Charlie Chaplin
2) Anything with the lovely flexible Buster Keaton in
3)
4)

Four Places You've Lived
1) India for a short spell
2) Egypt, although i was taken by force
3)
4)

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch
1) Dolly and the Amazing one eyed snake
2) Sally and her hardy pink playmate
3) Tess and Mr Tess
4) Susie gets her Knob Out

Four Places You've Been On Holiday/Vacation
1) Isle of Men
2) Gay Paris
3) India
4) Jamaica

Four Of Your Favorite Foods
1) Caviar
2) Toast
3) Pink Champagne
4) Delicate entrees

Four Places You'd Rather Be
1) With Jeeves
2) A balcony in a sunny climate
3) In a nice cafe, drinking hot chocolate and writing
4) In a theatre

Bertie

Monday, October 17, 2005

Be Gone!

Sir,

If only you knew how many letters and parcels I have been sent over the past 4 months claiming to be from Mr Wooster. All these people have turned out to be rather queer sorts. I shall therefore say this to you once and once only...

I will not be meeting you.

I am sick and tired of wild goose chases. I would ask you never to darken my letterbox again.

Yours sincerely

Jeeves

Saturday, October 15, 2005

In Hiding

Jeeves.... I can't talk long... I have been trying to get a message to you since we lost contact in France... for the last 4 months I have been searching for you! I finally found out where you got to when I ran into Arthur Domenow, his last words came from under car 'Jeeves misses you, he's in ...' I will not disclose what he said here as it may be read and then others will know of your now whereabouts... in fact I may not even write it on the envelope for fear of you being found and taken away from me again...
I have been advised to avoid contact with anyone from my past life.
I can no longer!
I wish to return, as Bertie Wooster! And be proud! Loud and proud!

I have however grown a beard.

Can I meet you up the back pasage tonight? You know the spot...

Bertie

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Poison Pen

To whom it may concern,

The disappearance of Wooster is no mystery. For it was I who ordered his abduction.

We removed him from his bed and replaced him with the corpse of one of our previous victims. It was this body which the Police picked up believing it to be Wooster.

The idea was to create confusion among his friends and loved ones, and to lure the ever resourceful Jeeves into a fiendishly diabolical trap. Unfortunately he didn't seem all that bothered by the disappearance of his 'master', apparantly Wooster made a regular habit of vanishing and then not being seen for long periods of time.

I waited and waited for Jeeves to work out the subtle yet incredibly convolluted and illogical clues I left, but to no avail. He didn't come to Wooster's rescue...

And it is for this reason, and this alone that I now inform you, that your disinterest in Woosters welfare has been the cause of his demise. Yes, you heard me correctly. DEMISE. The silly ass was far too much for me or any of my men to take so I had some of them take him outside and bump him off. I believe they, "stuck it to him real good!"


To be fair, I cannot fathom how Jeeves was able to put up with Wooster for all this time. So perhaps I have done him a service.

Now it would seem that Jeeves had flown the country, I think a trip over to Gay Paris may well be in order. I cannot let my arch enemy evade me any longer. He has proved as slippery as an eel. I must grasp him firmly in both hands to ensure he doesn't wriggle free again!

Your ever maniacal super-fiend,

Doctor N.

PS. Incase you were wondering, Jenkins was indeed in my employ.

Monday, May 09, 2005

On business...

Madam,

I pen this note to you so that you may pass on my news to Mr Wooster, should he ever resurface. I have been called away on urgent business, of a very delicate nature. So delicate I am sworn not to reveal any details to anyone. I will of course keep in touch.

The only piece of infomation I can give you at present is that I am to travel to Paris this afternoon. So you may recieve a French letter from me before too long.

I cannot say when I shall return but you will be the first to know.

Your ever obediant,

Jeeves

Monday, April 18, 2005

Stiff as a board

Inspector,

I arrived at the Police Station late afternoon. I was sad not to see you there but I understood you had other things to attend to.

I was conducted to the mortuary where I was to identify the body... I did not recognise the man laying on the slab. Inspector, whoever he is, he is categorically not Mr. Wooster. A dreadful case of mistaken identity has occured. Did you not actually take the time to see if Mr. Wooster was Mr. Wooster.

What puzzles me, is how long was he actually dead? Doctor Hue popped in and gave the body the once over and informed me that he had probably been dead some days. Which would explain his reluctance to eat anything.

You say whoever this was was found in Mr. Wooster's bed by your Policemen? What on Earth was a dead body doing in Mr. Wooster's bed? And where in Heaven's name is Mr. Wooster?

Jeeves

Limp as a lettuce!

Jeeves!

Dreadful news! When I entered Mr. Wooster's cell this morning, to wake him in time for your imminent arrival, I found him limp and lifeless. This may not be that strange an occurence, but on closer inspection... He was found to be DEAD!

I can't begin to express my sorrow. I have absolutely no idea how this could have happened. One theory is that he may have died from starvation, as he has not eaten a sausage since we banged him up.

I will instigate a thorough investigation immediately. You may have to come and identify the body. But as you were on your way to pick him up anyway, you won't be going out of your way will you.

I hope to see you later this afternoon. I may have to pop out if something else arises and in the event that this is the case I shall leave you in the hands of Constable Rash.

Again, may heart felt apologies that Mr. Wooster should meet his end in Police Custody...

With sadness,

Inspector Kreviss

Friday, April 15, 2005

Four guests at a funeral

Inspector,

It was a shame you couldn't make it to the Colonel's funeral. The send off was wonderful.

The three ladies and myself looked a picture in black, stood along the grave-side. The floral arrangement "Upyabutt" which I ordered looked fantastic. I would have liked to have seen you get it up on top of the coffin though. It would have been a nice addition to the service.

Father Handelme said some beautiful words which I shall recount for you now;

When I think of Hugh Jedique Upyabutt I cannot help but smile. We were at Eaton together as boys and I fondly recall a school trip to Nancy, France. We were welcomed open-armed by all, and made honoury Nancy boys. A honour we always held dear over the years.

He had always been rather small, but boy how he grew! He became a magnificent man, a pillar of society and a jolly good sort. In this little community or ours, never was there such an upstanding member.

I shall miss him dearly and remember him fondly. For now, goodbye my dear...

Then he looked down and I heard him muttering under his breath;

Pecker up Old Boy!

The ladies were in floods of tears, through grief and sorrow I think, but one of them did sound like they were giggling.

We all tossed a handful of dirt into the grave after the coffin had been lowered and then left a couple of young burly gentlemen to fill in the Colonel's hole.

All in all a lovely day out. We shall either be able to pick Mr. Wooster up on Sunday evening or Monday morning. Is this acceptable? If so expect to see us soon.

Jeeves